me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Are we still banned from the library?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
