If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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