Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize