I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
