So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
