Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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