weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
