She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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