i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
