Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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