She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
