My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
should my penis look like a turkey
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
