May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
