which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
They are going to name an STD after you.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
