i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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