Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
