I wish I could teleport
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
