We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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