i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize