We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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