I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You are a genius and a whore.
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