My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize