i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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