The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
