if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
