if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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