Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
