i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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