In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
