We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
