he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
