i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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