The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
