mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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