I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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