I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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