She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's shark week go big or go home
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize