Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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