Jerry, you need to find god
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
