today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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