And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My feet surprised me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
