If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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