My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
