You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
