My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
