A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
