and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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