Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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