Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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