So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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