I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
