Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My balls are so social today.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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