Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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