Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We left the knife in your bed.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
