His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
