I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
