Cold hands, warm shart.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
