i barfeds in our rink
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
