I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
