His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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