so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
How's work?
Spinning.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
