just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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