I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
