Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
