Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
