if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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