____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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