YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
