im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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