i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
