Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
