I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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