Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
