Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
