sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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