I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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