i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So vagazzling was a success
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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