he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
