Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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