I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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