she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
