Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize