I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
