YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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