Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
