I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
