im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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