Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
