i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
