Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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