This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Randomize
