they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
