the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
