I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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