mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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