Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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