That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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