So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
