yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
