i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
