Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
