I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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