how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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