This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
