Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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