Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
