how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
