I haven't been this sober since birth.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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