I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
