Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
