I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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