The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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