It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
