so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
